31-07-2016, 08:32 AM
(This post was last modified: 31-07-2016, 08:51 AM by Paul Rigby.)
David Guyatt Wrote:Paul Rigby Wrote:I experienced an enormous patriotic swelling upon hearing the result, a defence which the judge acknowledged as novel, if ultimately unpersuasive.
David Guyatt Wrote:Hahaha. You can get pills to help these day.
I wouldn't mind, but as I explained to Judge Thrasher, the charge arose due to a minor navigational error and a perfectly innocent question.
Attracted to the NATO Institute's month-long celebration of the profound cultural links between Liverpool and Eastern Europe, I had headed off for the lecture on the influence of the city's cuisine on Adam Mickiewicz's masterpiece, Pan Taduesz. Due to a malfunctioning smart-phone's map, however, I was appalled to find myself at the bar of the Slavic Hotties 2-for-1 pole-dancing weekender, in the company of the charming Ms. Bratislava Metallurgical Institute (1987), and her equally ravishing companion, Ivanka from Ruda ÅšlÄ…ska.
Things were going swimmingly until I posed the question "Can you handle large cheques?" whereupon mayhem erupted, with Ms. B reacting violently to what she erroneously believed was a slight to both her nation and professional competence. Escaping from her outsized pimp's headlock only with great difficulty (and a handful of his Y-fronts), I found myself sans trousers, credit cards, or mobe; and thus forced to seek temporary shelter in a nearby multi-story car-park until Merseyrail recommenced service a couple of hours hence.
My dignity protected only by yet another Liverpool Echo double-spread portrait of Jurgen Klopp - the latest grovelling nonsense by title "Statesman, Thinker, and Visionary - Can he also raise the dead?" - my attempt to hurdle the ticker barrier at Liverpool Central ended in uncoordinated disaster, and detention by a humourless female constable. If only she hadn't pulled out the handcuffs....
"There are three sorts of conspiracy: by the people who complain, by the people who write, by the people who take action. There is nothing to fear from the first group, the two others are more dangerous; but the police have to be part of all three,"
Joseph Fouche
Joseph Fouche